Not All Challenges Are Created Equal
I was recently listening to a podcast where a Canadian woman described how much snow her area had received—enough to shut down schools and businesses. She mentioned watching the news about record snowfall in the southern U.S. and being surprised by how much it had disrupted life there. Then it hit her: those communities weren’t equipped for that kind of storm. They didn’t have the right tires, road maintenance, or even winter clothing because it happens so rarely.
That analogy stuck with me. How often do we look at someone else’s struggles and think, That doesn’t seem like a big deal—without realizing they might not have the tools to handle it the way we might? Something that barely fazes one person can be completely overwhelming for another. I know I’ve experienced this myself. A comment or action that I stew over for days might not even register to a friend. (Of course, I’ll chew on it until all the flavor is gone—but that’s a story for another day!)
The point is, we all have different life experiences that shape how we navigate challenges. Maybe you grew up being encouraged to take risks and embrace adventure. Or maybe you had worst-case-scenario family, so you naturally lean toward caution. Some of us grew up with strong support systems and feel comfortable seeking advice, while others had to figure things out alone, becoming hyper-independent in the process.
We’re all working with different tools. So before we judge someone for struggling with something we find easy—or even before we judge ourselves for not handling something better—it’s worth asking: Was I ever given the tools to deal with this? And if not, what can I do to build them now?
So how do we give ourselves and others more grace? How do we build resilience when we realize we’re missing certain tools?
1. Recognizing Our Own Gaps
Instead of beating ourselves up for not handling something “better,” we can step back and ask: Was I ever taught how to deal with this? If not, that doesn’t mean we’re doomed—it just means we have an opportunity to learn. Seeking new perspectives, practicing self-awareness, and even allowing ourselves to fail (without shame) can be ways to start filling in those gaps.
2. Extending Grace to Others
When someone reacts to a situation differently than we would, our first instinct might be to judge—"Why is this such a big deal for them?" But if we shift that question to "What tools did they grow up with?" or "What might they be missing?"—suddenly, there’s room for compassion. We don’t have to understand their struggle fully to acknowledge that it’s real for them.
3. Building Resilience Over Time
Resilience isn’t about never struggling—it’s about strengthening our ability to adapt. And like any strength, it’s built through practice. Some ways to cultivate it:
Reframing challenges – Instead of seeing difficulties as personal failures, try viewing them as opportunities to grow new skills.
Seeking new influences – Whether through books, mentors, or simply observing how others navigate life, we can pick up tools we weren’t given naturally.
Allowing discomfort – Growth often requires discomfort. The more we lean into it rather than avoid it, the more adaptable we become.
At the end of the day, we’re all carrying different toolkits. Some are well-stocked for certain situations, while others are still under construction. The more we understand that—about ourselves and each other—the easier it is to navigate life with a little more grace, patience, and resilience.