The Slow Work of Healing
These days, as I go about my life, I feel deeply grateful for where I am. I’m content. But the road to this peace has been anything but smooth. As an overthinker, I tend to relive past moments often, and one of the most significant in my life was my divorce.
My ex-husband had an affair and left me for the other woman. Not an entirely original story—especially in the military spouse community—but I was completely blindsided. It took years, and another failed relationship, to rebuild my self-esteem and trust in others. For a long time, I carried deep anger toward him, and especially her, for their selfishness, for how easily he seemed to start a new life while mine felt shattered.
I still think about that time, but the anger and sadness are gone. In fact, I’d even call it gratitude. The truth is, I wasn’t truly happy in that marriage or in the life I was building back then. But I would never have been the one to leave. He did what I wouldn’t, and in doing so, he set me free. Now, I’m married to a man who loves me as I am and encourages me to be my truest self—flaws and all. We are partners, something my past marriage never was.
It’s been ten years since my divorce was finalized, and lately, I’ve been thinking about the old adage, “Time heals all wounds.” Is it true? Not entirely. Time alone doesn’t heal. But I will say this: I needed time. Healing takes work—self-reflection, self-care, and opening yourself up to experiences that expand your world. Pain doesn’t magically disappear, but as time passes, you adopt new mindsets, meet people who show you a different kind of love, and gain experiences that remind you how small that moment of heartbreak was in the grand scheme of your life.
Deep thinkers are especially good at this. We feel deeply, and while that can be frustrating when you’re in pain, it also means we have the capacity to feel joy just as deeply. If you’re anything like me, you might want to rush the healing process, to fix the pain as quickly as possible. I practically self-enrolled in an intensive course on How to Get Over a Terrible Situation. But healing doesn’t work on a deadline. It takes time to rewire, to unlearn, to gain perspective.
And now? I am proud of the work I’ve done to get here. I’m grateful for the people who held space for me along the way.
Here’s what helped me:
Allow Yourself to Feel Without Judgment – Healing doesn’t mean suppressing emotions—it means giving yourself permission to grieve, process, and acknowledge what you’ve lost. For years, I was told I was too sensitive, but I’ve come to see that sensitivity as a gift. Feeling deeply isn’t a weakness; it’s a sign of an open heart.
Trust That Growth is Happening, Even When You Can’t See It – Healing isn’t always obvious in the moment. Some shifts are so subtle you might not recognize them until much later. But one day, without even realizing it, you’ll look back and see just how far you’ve come.
Share Carefully and Surround Yourself With People Who Lift You Up – Healing is easier when you have the right people in your corner—those who offer understanding, encouragement, and a safe space to be yourself. Not everyone will be able to hold your story with care, so share with intention and seek out those who truly lift you up.
Prioritize What Nourishes You—Mind, Body, and Soul – Healing isn’t just about time; it’s about how you use that time. Pay attention to what restores you—whether it’s movement, quiet reflection, creativity, or simply rest. Small, intentional acts that bring you comfort and peace will help rebuild your strength, even when the progress feels slow.
If you’re in the middle of a painful season, or just starting to emerge from one, know this: Time doesn’t do the healing for you—but it gives you the space to heal. With time, you’ll see the pieces of yourself that once felt broken start to take a new shape. You’ll grow in ways you never expected. And one day, without even realizing it, you’ll look back and see just how far you’ve come.