Traveling on Your Own Terms: What I Learned from Japan

I had the incredible experience of living in Japan for four years. I was stationed there with my ex-husband, teaching English as a second language to adults while also working on base. I had traveled before, but I had never lived overseas, and Japan was a massive culture shock. There are rules for their rules. As an American living there under a military capacity, I stuck out like a sore thumb.

We had nine months’ notice before the move, which gave me plenty of time to research the culture and create a “must-do” list. I was eager to learn about my new home, excited to experience the culture, nature, and people. But once I arrived, I quickly realized the experience I had imagined wasn’t going to go as planned.

Navigating Culture Shock & Overwhelm

We lived on base—not by choice, but that’s another story for another time. While it was a small, familiar haven of about 9,000 personnel, stepping outside the gates was an entirely different world. Most people immediately knew I was American, and being military-affiliated made it even more obvious. I was eager to integrate, but I found the language barrier difficult to navigate (this was before Google Translate, and smartphones had just arrived on the scene). No matter how much I tried to blend in, I felt like I was constantly getting something wrong.

Then, there was the sheer volume of people. Public spaces were packed. Trains were often overflowing with bodies, and the experience of sights like Shibuya Crossing—the famous five-way crosswalk in Tokyo that every travel article swears you must experience—was incredibly overwhelming. Rush-hour trains? A nightmare. I found much of the high-energy city life exhausting and unnecessary.

But then, there were the experiences that were absolutely magical. Wandering a quiet side street in Yokohama beneath cherry blossoms, hiking in the countryside with a friend and stumbling upon hidden spots no one seemed to know about, or ducking into a tiny ramen shop outside a local train station. I found peace in Japan’s natural beauty, its tucked-away corners, and the ability to exist quietly in my own bubble.

Letting Go of Expectations & Traveling Differently

I say all this because I had high expectations before moving, only to find myself constantly disappointed. But in hindsight, my experience taught me a lot about travel, and it helped me understand how to shape future trips in a way that better aligns with my energy and interests.

So, the next time I visit Japan (because I definitely will), I plan to do things a little differently. Here are my key takeaways for a better travel experience, especially for introverts and those who prefer a slower pace:

• Travel with people who share your interests (or at least are willing to compromise).
  If you need to call it a night earlier, eat more frequently, or take breaks, make sure your travel companions are understanding of that. Plan the day with built-in downtime so you don’t push yourself to exhaustion trying to keep up.

• Prioritize sights and experiences that energize you, not just the “must-sees.”
  I followed a lot of popular travel recommendations, and while some were worth it, others drained me more than they excited me. Now, I know to balance my itinerary with places off the beaten path, which allows me to explore at a slower, more enjoyable pace.

• Travel in the off-season whenever possible.
  Crowds can completely change the feel of a place. Visiting during less tourist-heavy months makes for a more peaceful experience, where you can enjoy the surroundings without feeling rushed or overwhelmed.

• Give yourself permission to skip what doesn’t excite you.
  Just because a destination is famous doesn’t mean it’s right for you. If the idea of an activity feels more stressful than fun (looking at you, Shibuya Crossing), skip it guilt-free and find something that aligns better with your travel style.

Final Thoughts

Japan was an experience that challenged me, frustrated me, and at times overwhelmed me—but it also gave me incredible insight into how I prefer to travel. Instead of trying to force an experience that doesn’t fit, I now know that the best trips come from understanding what fuels you, what drains you, and how to plan accordingly.

Want a Trip That Feels Right for You?

If you’re someone who wants to travel but dreads feeling exhausted or overwhelmed, I’d love to help you plan a trip that actually works for you. Whether it’s avoiding crowds, finding hidden gems, or crafting a personalized itinerary, I specialize in thoughtful, stress-free travel planning. Feel free to reach out if you’d like help designing a trip that matches your travel style!